As I sat across the glass today looking into the eyes of my oldest son,holding a cold telephone, I experienced a bittersweet moment. Excited to see his face, but sad about the place where we sat and talked. Yes, he is in prison and this has been a place that he has visited over and over again for most of his life. I always thought that if I was hard and stern with my children that they would have enough fear in them, of me, of punishment, of something, to never go to the streets for what they needed. But I was wrong….
My son has seen some hard times and today I went on a journey with him, in his eyes I saw strength and courage and all I wanted was an opportunity to put my arms around him and let him feel his mother’s love….but there was something between us that blocked us from touching… hard, cold, thick glass, but that piece of cold glass didn’t stop us from sharing love….the love between a mother and her first-born child. Our love goes deeper than prison walls.
How I wish I could turn back the years and make different decisions, how he wishes he could turn back the years and make different decisions. We both had something in common, bad decisions and we both have something in common, the ability to make better ones.
I’ve lived my life so that my children can see change, that they can see, firsthand, how a person can grow into a God-fearing, confident individual….who loves deeply and lives with an open heart.
I thank God because I can still look in his eyes, I thank God because even though he is so far away from me, he is so close to me. Today, I thank God for my son and I pray that he learns to love internally! I thank God for the Loves of my Life, my children. If I could I would take all of their pain away and replace it with joy. If I could I would erase all of the bad days they have ever seen and replace them with happy times. But the reality is that I cannot, but I know someone who can and he is greater than every circumstance they have faced.
I want to encourage all of the Single Parents that read this blog….be Encouraged….it will get better. There were days when I had NO clue how my children & I would make it, but we did, we have scars, but we’re still here. I thank God for the village of people who helped me when I didn’t know where help was coming from.
Remember, Your children are precious gifts from God. Hug them often, and let the words I Love You be the first words and the last words that they hear in their day.